Week in Review
I don’t really know where to begin with this article.
I’ve had a lot on my mind lately and I’ve forced myself to sit with these thoughts and have had to ask myself a few questions that I think I’m ready to answer.
What is Solace really about?
I ended up traveling for work last week and something I’ve been avoiding admitting I had a problem with surfaced with a vengeance. The amount of time I spent on my phone just scrolling and being sucked into the internet was sickening. As soon as I’d get back to my hotel room I’d be on my phone, and I’d scroll until late then sleep restlessly, then do it all again after work the next day.
I could blame part of this doomscrolling on boredom while traveling, and the fact that I’d messed up my shoulder and that had me in pain for the entire trip. But I’d brought things to do with me… I’d brought a book I was hoping to enjoy. I brought both my morning pages journal and my pottery journal. I had tennis shoes in case I wanted to go for a walk. I was in a new town and could have gone out exploring. But I didn’t touch any of those things. Not once.
Upon getting home I sat with the reality of a (albeit successful work trip!) wasted personal experience. So I deleted Instagram. Then Facebook. Then threads. — And yes, there is a blackout currently going with Meta apps for artists due to the new user agreement changes, so it was apt timing. But I needed it for personal reasons too.
I kept Pinterest, as I use it for quick research and reading — I’m used to it, not quite used to Substack yet, and I don’t doom scroll there. I started a deep dive into marketing research for Solace and how to get my marketing off Instagram, which is a whole other topic in itself, and that led me to really ask myself: what is Solace about?
I have a long answer to this. Yes, it is an exploration of the intangible fantasy of nature and my love for black clay. But what does this mean?
It’s something I’ve tried not to be too personal about on the internet, and also because I do feel art should be a conversation between the viewer and the piece, but Solace is personal.
I have dissociative tendencies, and I’ve known this for awhile. I’ve tried to seek therapists help, but I don’t feel comfortable with therapists the way I do with my journal, and so I’ve taken the task into my own hands since I started recognizing an issue (long before this recent trip.) . (And I don’t recommend that!! If you need help, please ask for it!! This is just my personal experience.)
I tried writing a book, several times. I probably started it over 7 times. And I think it’s been about a year now since I stopped, and a few months since I realized I was using it as a dissociative device and not actually because I wanted to write a book.
The genre of that ‘book’ was fantasy. And I love fantasy! Dragons, fairies, magic systems, world building, etc. I’ve always loved it!! And part of my early days of drafting the idea of Solace was “what would a fairy hang on their walls?” But also, I wanted to explore an earlier series I’d done before our move to MN, and that was a series on Memories and childhood nostalgia. (And I forget its name, which is, for some reason, only on Instagram and I can’t reference it at the moment! 😅)
The idea of Solace has now evolved into a lot more than just fantastical art. Because I’ve had to face a lot while making the pieces.
Sometimes when I make all I want to do is slip into my maladaptive daydream that keeps me in a loop of anxiety and dissociation. Sometimes I want to watch TV while I make, but I don’t feel my most creative or even really connected to the piece I’m working on when I do that.
Being present, and actively engaging with my work is a challenge. And because of this, things don’t feel real to me sometimes.
Thus, ‘the intangible fantasy of nature.’
We spend so much of our time looking at the world through our screens that it’s easy to forget what is real. And nature itself has almost become a luxury. Being present feels like a luxury.
Through Solace, the more I explore the collection, I hope I can find my way back into myself and into the world so that my pieces are a reflection of reality. Not a desperate grasp for something to feel real.
So, why the black clay?
Another long answer that I will try to make short(er).
I started my art journey with photography. Black and white film photography to be exact.
Black and white photography is emotional to me. The depth of the images is intense and dramatic. It holds attention effortlessly yet quietly.
I had teachers tell me I was breaking their printers with how much black ink I was going through. But I loved it!
I still do. Because whether it’s black ink or black clay, it’s a void I can fall away into.
The black abyss can hold so much and it never judges. It can carry everything I try to hide, everything I cannot say. It is an embodiment of my dissociative imagination, yet a comforting home for who I want to be and who I know I am.
Solace is my way of finding refuge in the strange and intangible fantasy of nature.
The first several pieces of Solace are now live on my website. I won’t do a ‘drop’ for this collection, they’ll be listed as they become ready. 💖✨ Thank you for reading and following along.
Until next time,
Lee Ryn
Finding Inspiration Outside Again
